This writing is intended to pay the debt of my negative thoughts.
“Change the way you think and write about yourself, if you already wrote and thought negatively, immediately write and think positive” — The Power of Your Subconcious Mind by Joseph Murphy
These days, the feeling of insecurities and incapabilities haunt me more viciously than ever. I know very well that this kind of feeling is very harmful to me, physically or mentally, but I can’t help it. It’s been two weeks. I tried to write, read, watch, did what I should do, but it just won't go away. I know that it hinders me from doing my best and it hinders me from being grateful.
So here I am, as an attempt to get confident and fearless Nasywa comes back, writing something to pay my debt for my negative thoughts by writing more…
…positive?
Maybe not that positive, but more “realistic”. So here it goes.
Reflecting back, I feel like this feeling came from me blatantly comparing different parts of myself and of what I could do, to different kinds of people. I should’ve recognized that those people I’ve been comparing to are already sacrificing much in order to achieve what they have achieved. It is very unwise and unfair for me to see only the end result.
What I can do is learn from them. Learning their strategy in doing many things, learning their discipline, learning the way they evaluate themselves at the end of the day in order to be more ready for tomorrow. It should’ve been like that.
I realized that being insecure by comparing myself to others, is an implication on how I felt like I was doing much and enough but I did not get the result that I wanted. Maybe I did doing much, but my strategy was wrong. I need to learn how to feel empowered when I compare myself to others instead of being insecure by learning from them. I should learn how to be an empty glass with a filter.
An empty glass represents that I’m ready to contain whatever I needed and a filter is used to cherry-pick what are the things that are compatible for me and what are not. When comparing myself to others, I should be ready to get feedbacks that are useful for me instead of comparing what’s in my glass to what’s in their glass.
People around me are there to make me feel inspired. I should use it well.
